Welcome to the Racist jokes section of Joke Abyss!
| Rabbi's anniversary present |
Category: Racist
A Jewish congregation in New York honors its Rabbi for 25 years of service
by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all expenses paid.
When he walks into his hotel room, there's a beautiful girl, nude, lying on
the bed. She says, "Hi, Rabbi, I'm a little something extra that the
president of the board arranged for you."
The Rabbi is incensed. He picks up the phone, calls the President of the
Temple Board and says, "Greenberg, what were you thinking? Where's your
respect? I am the moral leader of our community! I am very angry with you
and you have not heard the end of this."
The girl gets up and starts to get dressed. The Rabbi turns to her and
says, "Where are you going? I'm not angry with you."
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| What do a hurricane, a tornado, and a... |
Category: RacistRating: 6 1
Q. What do a hurricane, a tornado, and a
redneck divorce all have in common?
A. Someone's going to lose their trailer...
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| A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking... |
Category: RacistRating: 6 1
A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. He
puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. He looks at his
mother and says "Look Momma, I'm a white boy." His mother slaps him hard
on the face and says "Boy, go show your Daddy." The boy goes into the
living room and says "Look Daddy, I'm a white boy." His Daddy slaps him
on the face, too and says, "Boy, go show your grandmother." So the boy
goes to see his grandma and says "Look Granny, I'm a white boy." She
slaps him on the face and sends him back to his mother. His mother says
"Well, did you learn something from all this?" The boy shakes his head
and says "I sure nuff did, I've only been a white boy for five minutes
and I already hate you black people".
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| Jewish medicine |
Category: RacistRating: 6 0
Did you hear about the Jewish doctor who gave a patient six months to live?
When the patient couldn't pay, the doctor gave him another six months.
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| What is long, black, and smelly? |
Category: Racist
What is long, black, and smelly?
- The unemployment line.
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| Who invented sex |
Category: Racist
A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the
superior culture.
The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon"
The Italian says, "We have the Colosseum"
The Greek says "We had great Mathematicians"
The Italian says "We had the Roman Empire"
...and so on and so on and then the Greek says: "We invented sex"
The Italian says "That is true, but it was the Italians who
introduced it to women."
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| What goes: Clip Clop Clip Clop... |
Category: Racist
What goes: Clip Clop Clip Clop BANG Clipidy Clop Clipidy Clop?
An Amish drive-by shooting.
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| There was this Eskimo girl who spent the night... |
Category: Racist
There was this Eskimo girl who spent the night with her boyfriend and next
morning found out that she was six months pregnant.
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| What did the Jewish pedophile ask the little girl? |
Category: Racist
What did the Jewish pedophile ask the little girl?
- "Hey, little girl, you want to buy some candy?"
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| A historical example |
Category: RacistRating: 6 2
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father,
who was a rabbi, if they could discuss his use of the family car. His
father took him into his study and said, "I'll make a deal with you. You
bring your grades up, study your Talmud a little, get your hair cut and
then we'll talk about it."
After about a month, the boy came back and again asked his father if
they could discuss his use of the car. They again went into the father's
study where the father said - "Son, I've been very proud of you. You have
brought your grades up, you've studied the Talmud diligently, but you
didn't get your hair cut." The young man waited a moment and then
replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson
had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus
had long hair."
The rabbi said, "Yes, and everywhere they went, they walked.
|
| Three Chinese daughters |
Category: RacistRating: 3 0
A Chinese man had three daughters; he asked his eldest daughter what kind
of man she would like to marry.
"I would like to marry a man with three dragons on his chest", said the
eldest daughter.
He then asked his second daughter whom she would like to marry.
"I would like to marry a man with two dragons on his chest", said the
second daughter.
He finally asked his youngest daughter whom she would like to marry.
"I would like to marry a man with one draggin' on the ground", said the
youngest daughter.
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| How is Christmas celebrated in a Jewish home? |
Category: RacistRating: 6 2
Q: How is Christmas celebrated in a Jewish home?
A: They put parking meters on the roof!
|
| Two Texan are sitting in a small town bar... |
Category: RacistRating: 3 0
Two Texan are sitting in a small town bar, where one bragged
to the other: "You know, I had me every woman in this town,
except my mother and my sister."
"Well," his buddy replied, "between you and me we got 'em all."
|
| Typical jewish mother |
Category: RacistRating: 2 0
My mother is a typical Jewish mother.
Once she was on jury duty. . .
They sent her home. She insisted SHE was guilty.
|
| What's the Arkansas state motto? |
Category: RacistRating: 2 0
What's the Arkansas state motto?
If you can't keep it in your pants keep it in the family.
Sent by Mike
|
| A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane... |
Category: RacistRating: 2 0
A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to
the Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain
announces: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very
bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane
will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below
us that should be able to accommodate our landing. This island
appears to be uncharted; I am unable to find it on our maps. So
the odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to live
on the island for a very long time, if not for the rest of our
lives. A few minutes later the plane lands safely on the island,
whereupon Morris turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay
our pledge to the Yeshiva yet?"
"No Morris!" she responded.
Morris smiles, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?"
"Oy no, I forgot to send the check!!"
Now Morris laughs.
"One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our Temple
Building Fund check this month?"
"Oy Morris I forgot that one too!"
Now Morris is practically choking with laughter.
Esther asks Morris, "So what are you smiling and laughing about?"
Morris responds, "They'll find us!!"
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| What's the object of a Jewish football game? |
Category: RacistRating: 2 0
What's the object of a Jewish football game?
To get the quarter back!
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| What do you call a 300 pound woman in Minnesota? |
Category: RacistRating: 5 3
What do you call a 300 pound woman in Minnesota?
Anorexic
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| What happens when a Jew with an erection walks into a wall? |
Category: RacistRating: 1 0
Q: What happens when a Jew with an erection walks into a wall?
A: He breaks his nose.
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| Why does the new Polish Navy have glass bottomed boats? |
Category: RacistRating: 1 0
Why does the new Polish Navy have glass bottomed boats?
So they can see the old Polish Navy!
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