Welcome to the Females jokes section of Joke Abyss!
| Devil's Voice |
Category: FemalesRating: 0 0
The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this!" he exclaimed.
"I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.'"
"Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, "Get behind me, Satan!"
"I did," replied his wife, "but then he said "It looks great from back here, too!"
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| Why Men Can't Win |
Category: FemalesRating: 0 0
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it's exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, it's favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're insensitive.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist pig, you bastard.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
If you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're an egotist.
If you're not, you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore, and you must be sleeping around. |
| Car Accident |
Category: FemalesRating: 0 0
A woman and a man got into a really bad car accident.
Both cars are totaled, but luckily no one was hurt.
After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said,
"Wow, just look at our cars! They are destroyed.
Fortunately, we aren't hurt. This must be a sign from
God that we should meet and be friends and live together
in peace for the rest of our days."
The man replied, "I agree with you completely.
This must be a sign from God! "
The woman continued,
"And look at this, here's another miracle.... My car is
completely ruined but this bottle of wine didn't break.
It's a sign that God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate
our good fortune." Then she handed the bottle to the man.
The man agreed, opened the bottle and drank half, and then
handed it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on,
and handed it back to the man.
The man asked, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replied, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police
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| Ugly Baby |
Category: FemalesRating: 0 0
A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
Soon, the wife became pregnant, and, nine months later, delivered a baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son, but was horrified to find an incredibly-ugly baby.
He went to his wife and said, "I cannot possibly be the father of that hideous child. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered."
When his wife blushed, he became suspicious, and demanded, "Have you been fooling around on me?"
His wife confessed, "Not this time." |
| Magic Cure |
Category: FemalesRating: 0 0
Two nurses are giving a woman in a coma a sponge bath. They notice that when they get near her private areas that she starts to get a little stimulated. The theorize that oral sex will bring her out the coma. They go out into the lobby and tell her husband their theory. The husband is a little aprehensive about it at first, but he agrees to do it. The nurses leave the man with his wife and give him some privacy. They come back about 10 minutes later and the woman is dead! "What happened?" asks one of the nurses. The man replies, "I dont know...I think she choked." |
| Back to the Honeymoon |
Category: FemalesRating: 0 0
A couple married thirty years were revisiting the same places they went to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded countryside, they passed a ranch with a tall deer fence running
along the road.
The woman said,
"Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we did here thirty years ago."
The guy stopped the car. His wife backed against the fence, and they made love like never before.
Back in the car, the guy says, "Darling, you sure never moved like That thirty years ago, or any time since that I can remember!"
The woman says, "thirty years ago that fence wasn't electrified!" |
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